Yes, it’s a question most of us have pondered in our hum-drum lives – and it’s the first question that Cooper McRae asks in my new novel ‘Confessions of an Invisible Man’ (Out on October 8^th).

Well, you could do something positive, like assassinate Donald Trump or that w*nker who runs Syria, (you know, that lanky fella who looks like Borat’s brother!).

I got a Facebook message from someone who said that if they were invisible, they’d spend all their time eating sausage rolls in Greggs. What a ridiculous idea. I’d personally hang out in KFC! Party bucket here I come…

There have been several books (some great ones, I might add) about being invisible, but I wanted the power to land on the shoulders of a young guy who found it difficult to think outside the walls of his own flat. It had to be a small, personal story rather than a “change the world” type story.

So how does the lead character Cooper McRae use his invisibility? Well, he wants to get one million pounds – which is not easy – definitely not as easy as you would think. In the story, he comes up with some ingenious ways to make money but even these land him in hot water… anyway, while you’re thinking about what you’d do if you were invisible, let me tell you more about my comedy cult!

My Comedy Cult – I need help!

You may know that I’ve decided to start a new comedy cult, but there is some admin I need to tackle before I can get cracking. The first thing I need sorting is a big detached house in the country, where the cult will be based. So, if anyone has one they’d like to donate, then please get in touch. I’d like an en-suite bedroom and a large HD TV so that I can relax in between thinking of punishments for my followers etc.

I also think that if I’m going to run a successful comedy cult, I might be needing a long white gown (bed sheet type thing) to make me look a bit mystic and cultish.

Anyhow, there’s lots of time to think about all that stuff – I’ve also been busy doing other things such as doing some promotional stuff for my next novel (Mentioned above). If I’d known I’d had to do all this sort of thing, I’d have told the publishers where to stick their multi-million-pound deal, but I’m too polite to say anything.

Oh, the life of a humble author! I’m exaggerating of course. The deal the publishers offered me was extremely flexible. “Take it or leave it” they said. You can’t get more flexible than that!

OK, got to go now as I have to spend the afternoon swanning about looking all wistful – apparently that’s what authors are contractually required to do, so I’m off to dust down my cravat and my turquoise suede suit….

*Please let me know if you think of an easy way to make ONE MILLION pounds. Thank you.

Graham

If you like my blogs, let your friends know. I need all the friends I can get! My next blog will be all about how to write a novel! (Not that I know anything).