(And also news on my comedy cult!)

Firstly, let’s give a big cheer for Eurovision – it’s back with a boom-bang-a-bang! I love it, me – and let’s face it, everyone who enters look like they belong to a cult! The photo above is Mouth & MacNeil who came second in 1974 with ‘I see a star’ – an absolute classic, and I suggest you watch it on YouTube. A true case of talent coming before looks, there.

This year I am tipping Denmark (even though they never made it to the final) but think how much I’ll win at the bookies if they do. Dark horses the Danes. Have you seen the entry from Iceland? I’m not sure if those outfits are a fashion statement or a mental issue – either way, it’s nice to see the whole country has entered.

So, what about our entry? Somebody Newman – seems like a nice boy, but c’mon, Europe hate us, and pretty much everyone else. If Donald Trump entered, HE’D get more points than us!

Anyway, I shall be dressed in my silver hotpants, platform boots and blue eye-liner especially for the event on Saturday night. That’s right, I’m dressing down for the occasion!

New HQ for my Comedy Cult!

Another talented outfit ‘Teach In’ – I was actually in Teach In for a while, before I joined Whitesnake – that’s me in the middle dressed as a lady, breathing in!

Comedy Cult News!

Dear comedy cult members, I have been thinking about how I want to move the cult forward and two things have sprung to mind. Firstly, I think a new HQ is needed. My friend’s shed is not big enough, (3 people in there at once is a squeeze – and a sexual harassment claim waiting to happen!) so I am thinking that a French Chateau could be perfect, as they usually have big, secluded gardens which are perfect for those naked midnight soirees, should the mood take you! Every cult needs one of those – it’s the cult equivalent of the staff BBQ…

Another thing I’m thinking of having is a shrine built to me – after all, it will give me a bit more credibility and is also good as it’ll be tax-deductible!

Of course, I shall be needing lots of money to get these two things done, so don’t hesitate to send me your loose change (as long as that loose change adds up to more than £500 each).

*Quick Eurovision advert. Check out Bobbysocks’ Let it Swing on an absolute classic!

Another Eurovision Classic ‘Let it Swing’. I’ve written to Bobbysocks about joining my cult, but no reply so far!

Once I’ve got these two cult projects off the group, I am thinking of applying for an arts grant from the government. I’m sure that if I promise to give one or two Conservative MP’s a backhander, then we’ll be all set. Good old Boris – it’s one rule for them, and one contract for their mates!

Here’s a bit of news, I bumped in to one of my old cult members and I asked him what he was doing these days. He said, “I’m helping the homeless, druggies, alcoholics and those who are down on their luck…” I said, “Oh, are you working for a charity?” He said “No, I’m working in Wetherspoons!” It’s good to know he’s doing his bit for society!

In fact, sometimes I think that my cult should do something good for society. And then I think, “No.”

Last week I mentioned “Free Love” – one of the most popular aspects of being in any cult these days… I recently made love to my second in command in the lounge, and then in the kitchen area. Then a bit later we were at it on the rugs and then the bedroom area. That’s the good news. The bad news is, we’ve been banned from IKEA!

Right, I have to go now as I have a meeting with SKY TV. I’m thinking of taking out their full package!

Bye for now my loyal followers (and those who aren’t so loyal!)

***Don’t forget to check out my rom-com novels. They include everything you want from a novel – short words, short chapters and a cheap price! ***

Published by comedyguy77

Comedy writer, novelist, screenwriter based in York, England

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