Hello and a warm welcome to all my loyal comedy cult followers – it’s now time for me to set you some challenges… and announce some new rules! And anyone who disagrees with me is OUT!
As your cult leader, of course, I can basically do what I want and make up any rules that suit me! I think it’s time to answer a few of your questions:
Some of you have been asking what time the free love starts? Well, I’m thinking about 9.30pm next Thursday – depending on if there’s anything decent on Netflix or not.
There are some rules when it comes to ‘free love.’
- Always wash your hands and feet before, during AND after. It’s basic common sense.
- If conducting in ‘free love’ outside, then watch out for those prickly plants and bushes. It’s an accident waiting to happen, that!
- Always ensure that you remove any loose change from your pockets before you begin. No one likes to get home later to find that you’re a couple of quid short. It’s a deflating end to your evening and can ruin your mood.
While I happen to be talking about my ‘cult’ – I am very disappointed with the low numbers of people joining. Perhaps the $1000 dollar monthly subscription was a little on the high side (still, you do get a personally signed photo from me!).
Anyway, if you could recommend my comedy cult to any of your friends you will receive one of my novels completely FREE! As the publishers say, “We’ve got to shift them somehow!”
Here are some one liners to perk you up!
Sports news: I played my first ever game of rugby at the weekend and I don’t remember much apart from that after 80 minutes I was sitting there nursing a bruised and swollen testicle. And I’ve no idea who it belonged to!
Travel news: I have just returned from a war-torn region where rubble lines the streets and chaos is a part of everyday life. That’s the last time I go to the rough part of Manchester. I’ll go somewhere safer, like Syria next time!
Family news: My brother has finally been able to get out of his wheelchair after 17 years. He’s not disabled, just incredibly lazy!
OK, my comedy followers, I have to go now and get on with my evening. I’m planning to call the special lady in my life, and then after that call my girlfriend! I’m going to have a nice cup of tea and enjoy a penguin. And I’d like to thank the local Zoo for lending it to me.
OK, by for now darlings! x
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