Home page

Here’s my latest news. And some other stuff. Check the blogs page for EUROVISION laughs!

EUROVISION IS HERE!

Check out my blogs page for my thoughts on who I think will win!

Below is a photo of when I was in Bucks Fizz – well, actually, I left the band as they wanted to rip my dress off live on TV during Eurovision!! Jay Aston took my place and the rest, as they say, is why they won Eurovision… I wasn’t sure if they’d win – I couldn’t make my mind up, which was ironic!

There’s Jay in yellow, with her arse slightly out.
Photo: L BROOKE/SCOPE FEATURES.COM

Join my comedy cult!

It’s free and there are no weird initiation ceremonies, although to be honest, I am re-thinking that one!

That’s me at the back, blending in nicely with the other fellas wen I was in the pop group RIGHT SAID FRED. Full story on the ‘About Me’ page!

I’ve always wanted to be a cult leader, and I’ve got lots of ideas of what we could do. My neighbour says we can borrow one of his sheds for meetings (he has two!!) and we can get cracking on doing all the cool things that cult’s do!

Of course, I’ll be the cult leader – and just to give you a taste of what I’ll be introducing. Every Tuesday I will be sacrificing a lemon drizzle cake!

Confessions of an Invisible Man: Out NOW!

Designed by the fabulous Sam Eastwood!

Chronos Publishing has released my second novel: Confessions of an Invisible Man is now OUT. It’s a rom-com with a difference – the lead character is see-through! Crikey.

King Kendo!

Kendo Nagasaki. Don’t mess with him!

Remember Kendo Nagasaki, the wrestling legend? Well, the news is that I’m currently co-writing (with Nigel Fitzhenry) a screenplay of his ‘no holds barred’ life story. More on this soon!

Planning a novel?

Lots of people dream of writing a book, but never get around to it…

“I wouldn’t know where to begin!” is a popular phrase when people ask me about how I plan a novel. I think it’s not that difficult if you take a few simple steps. Read my blog about planning a novel from scratch… coming soon!

Look! It’s me, in a magazine!

I know, it’s hard to believe, but there I am, in a magazine, like I’m all famous! Of course, fame is only fleeting, and within a month the millions of fans will have deserted me like a member of an untalented boyband! But hey, let’s take advantage while we can, eh? The magazine is called Northern Life and you’ll find it in all the best shops! The article talks about my background and how I got to work as a ghostwriter for one of Hollywood’s top screenwriters! Yeah, I know!!!

The author at work!
Oh, the toil of being an author. For god’s sake man, GET A GRIP!!!! The pic above the mirror of the Invisible Man was painted by world-class artist Stephen Hanson, who I used to share a studio with years ago. These days, Steve is a billionaire and lives on his own private island just outside Huddersfield.

The photo above is of me trying to look all ‘Oscar Wilde’. This selfie was taken in my bedroom, as I was just about to finish the first draft of my new novel.

One liners!

the front cover of gags for performers from about eight years ago. Some of my one liners below!

*My girlfriend bought a Rottweiler and wanted something to go with it, so I bought her a scrapyard!

*I took my girlfriend to a nice restaurant and it was all going well until she found a condom in her soup. And to make matters worse, the waiter was still wearing it.

*I’ve just moved to York from Southampton because my parents are very ill… and I didn’t want to be near them…

*I’ve just bought a puppy and named it after my ex-girlfriend. It’s called ‘Two-timing-lying bitch.’

Uri Geller gives ‘Let’s Hear it for the Boy’ Five stars *****
Uri up to no good with a spoon! “I’d like to see you eat your soup now! Not so clever now are you, Uri?”

World famous psychic and spoon-bender Uri Geller gave my first novel ‘Let’s Hear it for the Boy’ five stars, calling it: “The perfect summer read – absolutely hilarious!” And the good news is we didn’t even have to pay him to say so! He’s a great guy, but I’m still not letting him anywhere near my kitchen cutlery drawer. And that’s final Uri!

My current top 5 reads

The President’s Hat by Antoine Laurain: Someone finds the President’s hat and then strange things happen…

Lonely Boy by Steve Jones: The autobiography of The Sex Pistols guitarist. Great story, lots of swearing!

The Descent of Man by Grayson Perry: Grayson talks about masculinity

The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin: If you knew the date of your death, how would you live your life?

The Five People you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom: An old man gets killed saving the life of a child, then meets five people in heaven…




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: